Match this! ... Online Dating

"Match this!...Online Dating" is the first part in Fail Date DC's technology series entitled "Technology is the Future, Except When it's Not".

Oh yes! Online dating. You knew it would come to this! Online dating is amazing. Just think about it, you can potentially meet the man of your dreams using the Internet! You don't even have to get all dressed up and look cute and go out, you can sit in your pajamas and write witty emails to guys that have great profile pictures. And the actual online profiles are all the same. All of these eligible men enjoy reading non fiction, are learning to make sushi, love Ethiopian food, spend the weekends hiking or biking, enjoy staying in on Friday nights with a rented movie, and are all looking for that adventurous, athletic woman with whom they can travel the world. How great!!! But lets face it. You know that they are at home right now, sitting in the dark, on the couch, with their laptops, in their boxers, unshaven, hungover, eating McDonald's, and watching the Game Show network.

Seriously though, I love the concept of online dating. I have even met and dated an amazing, beautiful, normal person using Match.com. But before I met him, I had to go on some interesting dates:

1. There was the guy that liked to shoot guns and was a member of the NRA. I was half scared for obvious reasons and half intrigued, because I've always wanted to shoot a gun and I thought that maybe on our second date he would take me to the gun range. The only other thing I remember about that date was how rude the waitress was. FAIL.

2. I also went on a date with a guy that was super nice but we just didn't click. All I remember from that date is that he told me a story about his recent flight to California. He described how he woke up in a panic because the oxygen masks had come down in mid flight and they had to make an emergency landing. That story terrified me and I think of it every time I fly. Thanks a lot Match.com guy!

3. And then there was Birthday Guy. Birthday Guy was my first ever Match.com date. I remember it like it was yesterday. Birthday Guy was really cute in his picture, and listed all of the interests and hobbies you see in a typical match.com profile. We agreed to meet at a bustling Mexican restaurant for lunch on wintry Sunday afternoon. I arrived at the restaurant first and remember waiting with nervous anticipation. When Birthday Guy showed up I noticed that he looked slightly different from his profile pictures . He was a little shorter and had a little less hair. I warily pressed on. He seemed harmless and we ended up having a great conversation over lunch. He was also very keen on ordering the super sized pitcher of frozen strawberry margaritas, so I couldn't complain.

So, right before the check arrives, Birthday Guy says "So its my birthday." What? My first thought was, why on earth is this guy spending his birthday with someone that he does not know, and that he met on match.com. My idea of a happy birthday does not involve going on a scary blind date with someone who may or may not look like their online profile picture. My second thought was "oh my, I do feel kind of sorry for this guy." I suddenly heard myself say "Oh my god, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I HAVE to take you out for a drink!" I don't know why I said it. I think probably it was the margaritas, and the fact that I have it my head that one has to get wasted on their birthday.

We headed to the bar next door and I ordered myself a glass of wine and watched him throw back about 3 jack and cokes. The guy basically got drunk and started telling me about his family. You may wonder why I didn't just tell him I needed to go home... I don't have a good answer for that question, because for some reason I just sat there with my glass of white wine, listening to him. The whole conversation started to derail as he ordered more drinks.

Then he tells me that he is the grandson of John Muir. John Muir was an author, naturalist, and early advocate of wildlife preservation. Most notably he founded the Sierra Club. He was born in 1838 and died in 1913. Birthday Guy had me hooked at this point. Basically because I knew it probably wasn't true. I mean, my grandmother was BORN in 1913. Anyway, he proceeded to tell me that his mother was the black sheep of the Muir Family, and when she was young, she "ran away" from Northern California (first of all who would do THAT) and treked due East, where she got married and gave birth to Birthday Guy, and basically he would never know the famous grandfather who wrote many books, founded the Sierra Club, and disowned his poor daughter. I sat there in utter disbelief and confusion over his story. It was obviously a blatant lie. Birthday Guy was just falling apart, from the drama of the story and the affects of the super sized margarita pitcher and the half dozen jack and cokes. After hearing the John Muir story, I politely thanked him for the company, wished him a Happy Birthday and made my way home.

So needless to say, I didn't accept his offer to go out again. I was skeptical of guys that go on blind dates on their birthdays, drink too much, and then tell lies about being the grandson of famous naturalists. It truly set the stage for my future match.com dates and serves as a fond memory every time I hear about the Sierra Club.

THE END.